Motherhood can be a very lonely job, especially if you have to do it by yourself, or if you feel like a one man team - but that isn't why I came here to write this. While I am often on my own with Zion (work away partner), it isn't Anthony's absence that makes me feel lonely or isolated - it is often the other mindsets of mom's. I don't know about you but I just can't seem to connect with many other women who have children, but dammit I swear I am going to find some!
... I don't know... maybe it is me. I have a gypsy soul, a love it or leave it attitude and can't handle small talk... so whether you're a parent or not it can be tough to make friends based on a deeper understanding and connection. Nonetheless - I want to meet you mama's, I want to connect, but I don't want to talk about our children the whole time. The whole point is for us to have adult conversation while our children to play as children do! We talk about how generations are changing, that we are "losing" things, but the one thing I am going to pull from my upbringing is my mothers ability to say "go entertain yourself for a while" and not have that translating to Zion sitting in front of an iPad. In order for me to do this though, I need another mom with another child who will hang out with me while our children frolic about and get dirty... Even better: leave your child with me, stress free... go have a YOU day and at some point I am sure I will leave my child with you. #Buildatribe?
Seriously though, where is my tribe? The tribe of mothers who also want to be women. Who also want to be entrepreneurs, who also want to be lovers (not with me lol), who also want to be active, free-spirited, and participate in conscious living?!
I know what you may be thinking and you are right.. this really shouldn't only be written for mothers. I am looking for women in general who want to be "aunties", "bonus mom's" or plain old friends. Ones who aren't afraid of being honest, and saying things like it is. Who are positive in nature, inspiring, and don't just want to thrive on surface conversation!?
Maybe you are all out there, or shall I say in there, but afraid to activate that part of yourself. Perhaps you just don't like me and thats totally fine too! But I miss it. I miss it fiercely having the kind of friends that I had when I was childless (lost merely to relocation). I miss it because for some reason society has everyone believing that having a child is "too much work" to foster outside relationships. We have stopped showing up at people's places for dinners. We have stopped building our communities and tribes and I refuse to give that up. I refuse to stop adventuring and exploring the world. In fact, you will find me doing it with my son, and man what a beautiful child he is becoming.
Last but not least I need to touch on this thing called self love. I understand times can be hard, but I also know how powerful we are as women and what kind of energy and magic we can conjure up when our hearts desire it. I am watching too many moms breaking their backs to give their children "stuff" and then telling me they have nothing left to go treat themselves or are too energetically drained to join me on some self love and adventure (whatever that may be at the time). It's not just with me though, I hear it all the time, mom's telling me they have lost themselves.
I cannot relate to this. I can understand it, because I too sat on the fence of losing my identity in motherhood, but let me tell you I jumped back on the "me" train and because of this, I feel isolated. I KNOW my ability to be a good mom is based on my ability to function from a full cup, and yet I get women's dagger piercing comments and eyes wondering why on earth I would leave Zion behind so I can host retreats, build my business, do school or just take time to myself. If you don't want to thats fine.. but I must say it's a little lonely on this side of the field. Don't get me wrong, I love it over here, but I would also love to see and meet more mothers standing here with me. The ones working on self exploration and personal growth. The ones breaking past patterns, and transforming out of old wounds and into the goddess souls they rightfully are!
Release any fear you may have. The fear that you don't have enough. The fear that you are not enough. The fear you do not have enough time, and lets just start living. I think its fair to say we could all do with a little bit less. We nickel and dime things away unnecessarily, and then say "we can't" because "we dont have enough of ___". Some of you are feeling unsupported and unappreciated, but yet there are people all around you waiting to help rise you up! Reach out, but not only that, rise up.
I hope in the future I stop hearing the words "you dont seem like a mom" - "you dont dress like a mom" or "I never would have thought you were a mother"... because that means "mothers" are getting stuck into a stereotype that isn't serving us. I WANT someone to say "you must be a mom" because they see how fierce I am, how strong I am... how understanding and patient I am.... I WANT the term mom - to not be thought of as under-appreciated and underpaid.. but as the creator and healer I am. I am going to BE that person... as best as I can. Even if that doesn't happen every day... and I am also looking for my fellow mom's who believe in the same things as I do! Because I am going to build my tribe starting with you XO